Wellness Wednesday: You Are Enough, Even if You Haven't Found Your Sister Tribe
In this new era of self-care retreats and girls' trips, its easy to get discouraged if you haven't found your tribe of RODs (ride or dies).
I remember scrolling through my timeline on IG, questioning why I didn't have my own circle of friends outside of family who I could go on adventures with. Self-comparison crept in like a thief in the night, and instead of using social media as a form of entertainment, it became an unhealthy distraction that robbed me of joy; and warped my perception of what it means to be happy, and successful.
In this culture of unrealistic expectations and friendship/relationship envy; it's hard not to feel some type of way about your own life not measuring up or mirroring certain lifestyles.
Every day our timelines are flooded with melanated girlfriends on sandy beaches, turning heads with their beautiful bodies, hair slayed for the gawds, color-coordinated outfits, and sophisticated style like a Black version of Sex in The City.
Our brains are overloaded with perfectly curated content and epic experiences with endless hashtags about squad goals and passport stamps, followed by filtered candid moments, 10 women deep living their best lives.
If you're not a member of one of these groups, it's easy to question what you could be doing wrong and have a case of FOMO (fear of missing out), wondering where you fit in.
We did not all grow up with our mothers as our best friends or with sisters/cousins to hang out with. We did not all find the perfect clique in college, and as we go through life's transitions and get overwhelmed with responsibilities, the idea of a quick weekend trip to Jamaica isn't practical.
In fact, many of us don't even have the tools to cultivate long-term friendships with other women or the confidence to approach them about what we have in common.
The truth is, friendship takes work, and as we get older, nurturing and maintaining these connections takes a lot more effort than it used to.
I believe in the law of attraction and along with that same wavelength, that we attract what we're ready for.
If you want good, solid friendships with other women, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to create what you want. You also cannot allow things like having a poor track record of past girlfriends, or other people's experiences dictate the quality of friendships that you can potentially have.
Having goal worthy friends like the ones Beyonce' describes on the Everything Is Love album that goes beyond the surface, requires loyalty, trust, and commitment.
You've just got to think out of the box these days to find your tribe.
When I moved to Atlanta almost two years ago, I did not know a ton of people here and looked to social media to find ways to connect with other women like myself.
Here's what I did:
1. Joined Breathe by OMNoire
As a full-time mother of two, traveling at a moment's notice can be challenging, and I often have to get creative in order to salvage some much needed "me time." We, as women, can all attest to needing to create space to pour into ourselves and to do so with individuals who share our same values and who genuinely want to help nurture, and support our growth journey. "Breathe by OMNoire is a virtual retreat. Well-being masterclasses hosted by top wellness leaders, a digital and physical community (members in the same city can host their own meetups) of women all working toward their own definition of wellness." The founder, Christina Rice, was really onto something when she gave birth to the genius idea of "bringing the OMNoire retreat experience to your home." Talk about Black Girl Magic! Joining Breathe was an investment in myself; the ultimate form of holistic self-care, with an experience that is unmatched. It's given me the resources and guidance to manifest my heart's desires, all while having a virtual community of powerhouses and accountability partners.
This is an incredible experience that you do not want to miss!
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2. Attended local meetups and networking events
Since I've been living in a new city, I figured, it's time for me to face my social anxiety head-on, and attend more events in hopes to meet like-minded women. At this stage in my life, I desire authenticity and vulnerability, and that level of platonic intimacy doesn't come easy.
Networking events have always been super awkward for me, being an introvert and all. And, if you're anything like me, mustering the courage to talk to someone new is dreadful.
Social media has been a great outlet and tool for me to find things to do in my area. In addition to that, I've also found some pretty cool things by joining groups on sites like Meetup and Eventbrite.
It takes getting out of your comfort zone, and radiating energy that is inviting, and confident. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself, and showcase your best attributes. There are many people out there who share your interests, and who desire the same things that you do, you just have to push yourself to actually step outside of your comfort zone, and go out there and seek those things out.
3. Downloaded the Bumble App
I found this app through a women's lifestyle page that I follow on IG. To be honest, at first, I was apprehensive and felt lame for even having to download an app to find friends (laughs), but as someone like myself with a pretty hectic schedule and busy home life, it gave me the flexibility that I needed.
The app is set into 3 categories: Bumble Date, Bumble Bizz, and Bumble BFF; all of which provide different experiences according to your needs. You create a profile just as you would with any other social site, and there's a swipe feature where you can swipe left or right based on your interest/match with another person and from there you have a chance to make the first move and message them.
Surprisingly, I have conversed with a lot of people on there, but like with anything, persistence is key. I met a really nice woman on there and we have become fast friends. We have a lot in common, and always share some good laughs and have bomb conversations over a cocktail and delicious food, when we're both free.
All I'm saying is, don't knock it til you try it!
But woman to woman; Queen, you are enough.
Remember that you too have something to bring to the table, and don't be afraid to own your power, and wear your crown with pride.